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Conversations with Matthew Fry: Part Two.

MATT : Well, I genuinely try to treat everyone as if they’re a good friend & I try & treat everyone equally. But, yea, it is tough to let go. Actually...I’ve had the first person from Tumblr pass away & that was really hard.

RUSH: Oh, did you get to know the person really well?

MATT: Uhm–had a couple, you know, just brief deep conversations. I wouldn’t say that I knew them really well, but, it was definitely a strong connection…we had followed each other for a while &…on the same night that I saw she was having problems–she was upset because her brother had passed away; I believe it was the anniversary of her brother passing away. & she was really upset. & it was funny because I wrote a letter to her at the same time that she was sending her photo & a letter to heroines. & then we…realised it & chatted on email a little bit & through text…

RUSH: I’m sorry to hear that though, that must be really hard.

MATT : Thank you.

TALK TO ME OR SHOW ME YOU IS A HUGE PART OF HEROINES’ APPEAL; WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?

Show me you is basically…submitting a photo of yourself, as you are, who you are, nothing glammed up. Not trying to be anything, not trying to do anything just you as you are. I think it really helps–I…hope it helps the people who send it, as well as the people viewing. I think it would be…liberating to send in something–& it’s basically accepting yourself. I mean, that’s what it seems like to me.

Yea, it is.

& also other people get to see people who look like themselves, that are being brave & okay with themselves–I dunno, what was it like for you?

It was really liberating…remember I had told you about…seeing a lot of people who were being themselves without makeup & so on, but I still hardly saw anyone that looked like me. So you know, it kind of made me feel, I don’t want to use the word inferior–but I think because of other things that were going on in my life…because at first, when I sent it, I thought you probably didn’t post all the photos you got & probably didn’t talk to everyone, but when I saw that you actually posted it, that really meant a lot to me.

Aww.

So it is very liberating.

Thank you. I post every single thing I get, & I respond to every single thing I get. I think there has been two photos that I haven’t posted–one ‘cause it was just a guy showing his bits. Actually just his bits–it was kind of a joke. The other one was a girl who had sent in some stuff, but she was a little young, & it had looked a little scandalous for her age. So I didn’t post that; I let her know. But other than that I post everything that’s given to me. 
& I agree with you...I try to go out of my way to find different women & different people–& it’s really hard. There’s not that much at all, & if there is any women of colour it’s rarely the style of photography that I like…it’s really hard.

Yea–It’s usually fashion & stuff like that–but typically when I see pictures of women who are photographed for their natural beauty, it’s really fair women…I still do appreciate their beauty, because beauty is beauty regardless of complexion or background but…to see somebody that is represented as beautiful that looks like you–it’s…good.

I know…it’s like everyone…we’re told what’s pretty & so that’s all we think that’s pretty, but if you actually look at people…there’s so much more beauty...it seems amazing…it seems almost like–I don’t want to say cowardice, because I don’t want to talk down to people but, everyone just–I mean common’ be daring…have a runway with a bunch of different types of women…I have nothing against thin girls, I have nothing against big girls, I have nothing about any girls…people come in all different shapes & sizes–show me that, don’t just show all one thing.

Right–I wouldn’t want to see a runway with only…or, say, if the fashion industry was different & it was “better” to be bigger, & it wasn’t good to be thin, that wouldn’t be good either but people are different so just represent that.

Yea, right. I mean, don’t knock thin women by favouring bigger women…same thing. Okay, now do we start making them feel insecure to make bigger women feel good? No…just be the way you are.

Right, DO YOU FORESEE ANY CHANGES FOR HEROINES?

Well, I have been working on a site called the Heroines Project &…obviously I put some of my photography up there but I was thinking it would be really nice to make it one whole group…like a collective, where different photographers posted their work, just to get more people shooting with the same type ideal, & mentality.

That’s a really good idea; what do you shoot with? Do you shoot digitally or with film?

Oh, all film.

That’s really good, I admire that.

Haha.

What type of camera do you have?

The main one I shoot with is an old Minolta XD11 & then I have a Minolta SRT-202 & then I have an older Yashica Electro 35.

WHAT MOTIVATES YOU TO KEEP WORKING AT HEROINES?

Because, I feel like I’m at a point in my life where…I’m happy with where I’m at & I’m happy with what I’ve done & I think what I really, really want to do now, is work on being a better person & helping people out. I feel that I’m in a comfortable enough place with myself that I want to help people, & help them feel the same way. There’s a quote–I saw it on some stupid TV show, I can’t even remember, but I really like the quote…it was interesting, this guy, he asked if people knew what the definition of a gentleman was. Everyone was like oh I don’t know…they gave basic answers…he said…the definition of a gentleman is someone who makes sure that everyone else around him is as comfortable as he is & I really liked that…I guess with heroines that’s kind of what I’m trying to do.

So, When you’re not being a gentleman, which you’re really good at, WHAT ELSE ARE YOU COMMITTED TO?

I love photography & I love riding dirt bikes.

You still ride dirt bikes?

Yea–actually my boss races so we go down three times a year to do the Baja 250, the baja 500, the baja 1000 & we go & pre run, & then we pit for him while he’s racing & so…I go riding a lot. I have two dirt bikes–I love it, it’s nice.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS MOST REWARDING ABOUT BEING THE VOICE OF SUPPORT FOR SO MANY WOMEN WHO NEED IT?

Just that, I have a lot of people in my life that I care about now & that’s nice…it feels good. It’s nice to help people out.

IS THERE A MOST MEMORABLE LETTER OR PICTURE THAT YOU’VE RECEIVED THROUGH HEROINES?

It’s…Uhm…yea it’s….it’s kind of hard to say.

Oh, well, if in the interest of how you feel about it or how the person might feel about it, you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay.

No, I don’t mind–I don’t mind talking about it. I’m just still…

Was it a picture or a letter?

It was a picture that the girl sent me who passed away.

Oh okay.

WHAT IS THE MOST COMMON ISSUE THAT GIRLS WRITE TO YOU ABOUT?

Well, it has gone in waves. At first it was almost all anorexia, then rape & molestation, & then…self injury; cutting. Stuff like that.

THESE WOMEN ARE TELLING YOU REALLY EMOTIONAL & INTIMATE DETAILS ABOUT THEIR LIVES; DO YOU EVER FEEL OVERWHELMED BY IT ALL?

No, ‘cause…I’m at a spot where I think it’s okay to…burden me & put it on me. If I can take it from you & put it on me, I would rather do that. Can I just say, the photo–I mean obviously I’m still emotional about the girl passing away…

Yea, that’s why I kind of, you know….

It’s all right, I don’t mind.
The thing is that she was such a really good person. & the photo–I’ll have to show it to you, she just looks–it’s really…it’s very angelic…especially since she passed a couple weeks later…I’ll have to send it to you.

WHAT IS ONE INDISPENSABLE ADVICE YOU WOULD GIVE TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE?

Try not to judge yourself too harshly, or try not to judge yourself at all. Rarely have I met a girl who actually likes what she looks like. I have a friend who was an established model back in the day & she tells me that models are the most insecure of all girls. I never really got that, you know.

Me either.

Yea…they hate the way they look, they’re constantly judged on the way they look…she said, oh God, models we have the lowest self-esteem…of anyone you’d be surprised. Maybe that’s why they try so hard for the attention & for the glamour, I dunno.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO MEN?

Haha–I think every guy should have to answer letters on heroines.

I think so too…it would be an eye opener.

Most guys don’t understand; don’t get it–& we say a lot of stupid things. Heroines has definitely changed the way I think & how I am & how I view things. So I guess that’s my advice, haha, answering letters on heroines–I guess I should have some better advice for guys–wow, here’s the advice, oh my God I have to give myself this advice: listen don’t fix.

That’s actually really good advice–for everyone.

I’m a fixer so I have to…make sure that I don’t try & fix too much.

Visit Matt on:

heroines

Fry Bros

Flickr

Conversations with Matthew Fry: Part One.

WHO IS MATTHEW FRY

I’m just an average guy, I guess–I don’t really think there is anything special about me. I’m just a guy who goes to work everyday & likes photography & likes people &…I like helping people now.

Were you always someone who helped people?

Haha, oh no, never.

SO, WHEN DID YOU BECOME THIS PERSON WHO LIKES TO HELP

I’ve always been somewhat of a mediator, but never really…wanted to help. Recently, what originally caused that was me going to meditation where I learned to do Vipassana meditation. I went to that…& then I stopped doing it & then I recently just started doing it again. It’s funny ‘cause when I first started heroines I wrote a post saying that I’d like to find a way to help people but I didn’t know how to go about doing it.

THAT’S HOW HEROINES GOT STARTED THEN

Well the way it actually started was I had my blog Fry Bros & I pretty much just posted photography & I had a couple of photos with, obviously, women & they were somewhat revealing, but they were still really nice photos, you know–like I post. But, my wife was like I love the photos, I think they’re great, but I don’t think they should be on your main blog. So…I started up another blog called heroines & I just started it to post photos , I really wasn’t trying to do that much with it–I just wanted to post photos that I liked. The next thing you know I got a Form Spring & people started writing in to me, & I was like hey baby remember that blog I started? Haha Now I have a bunch of followers & people are asking me for advice &…it’s kinda funny. But it’s cool I like it.

Yea, so do I.

Aw thank you. I have to say I really loved your photo.

Oh, thank you.

I love your accent too–you have a really cool accent.

Haha, if only I could hear it too–but thank you.

I always wonder what American accents sound like to people…do we sound dumb?

Uhm, no…everything is just drawn out more…I think, that’s the general difference.

Right.

YOU HELP WOMEN WITH THEIR INSECURITIES DAILY; HOW DO YOU GET THROUGH YOURS

It’s taking a while, I mean…everyone has insecurities. But, I’m slowly just working through mine trying not to let it bother me. I think the big thing is…being able to look at yourself objectively without reacting or judging or anything at all. Sometimes it’s easy for people to look at other people without judging, but it’s really hard to look at yourself without judging. In your mind you’ve built up this image of who you think you are; who you think you should be, &…you want yourself to be perfect & if anything that you see or hear or do makes you think you’re not perfect it upsets you. But…It sounds kind of cheesy, but you need to let yourself be okay with the fact that you’re not perfect, because…no one’s perfect. This image that we hold ourselves up to…no one is like that. Okay, you look in the mirror & you don’t like your nose–oh well, I mean…people have problems, everyone hates something about themselves….it’s okay. The images you see all the time in magazines, they’re completely photoshopped. When you actually start looking at people & just accepting the way you are & the way people are, things start looking a lot better.

That’s true.

YOU TALK TO WOMEN YOU’VE NEVER MET ALL THE TIME; WHO ARE THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE THOUGH

I guess the main woman would be my wife. She likes to remain private, she’s very shy. She actually doesn’t even let me take photographs of her. I wish she would but yea, she doesn’t let me. She doesn’t like the camera.

No sisters?

No, I have one sister. Obviously a mother; my sister is older, lives in Dallas. My mom lives…around Dallas.

It’s good that you mentioned your mom, I TEND TO THINK THAT THE RELATIONSHIP A MAN HAS WITH HIS MOTHER DETERMINES THE TYPE OF RELATIONSHIPS HE HAS WITH OTHER WOMEN; WHAT DO YOU THINK

Yea, I agree with that. There might be some instances that go against that, but in general I agree with you. I had a good relationship with my mom. I was always the baby of the family.

It’s just the two of you? Or do you have brothers as well?

Oh, one brother.

WHAT WAS YOUR DAD LIKE; DID YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM

Yea, he was the business executive that was always travelling, always working. My mom was the disciplinarian; my brother & I probably didn’t have a whole lot in common with my dad up until we started riding dirt bikes & then my dad would take us out riding. I think that brought us a lot closer together. But…we’re really close–quite honestly, both my mom & my dad… love them to death & I don’t think I could have been raised any better.

I think they did a good job, so…

Haha, thank you.

WHO ELSE IS INVOLVED WITH HEROINES

Just recently, in the past week I brought on two girls, Jennavev & Taylor, so they’ve been posting & responding.

Did you know them from before?

No, actually they were followers & both of them had sent in photos before.

PEOPLE HAVE SIMILAR BLOG IDEAS EVERYDAY BUT FAIL TO GET ANYWHERE WITH IT; WHAT DO YOU THINK MAKES HEROINES DIFFERENT & AS A RESULT SUCCESSFUL

First of all, thank you for saying it’s really successful. I’m actually pretty flattered. But, I can understand why they would have stopped. It’s not easy, a lot of times you take on problems of other people. Every time you answer someone’s letter, you have no idea if you said the right thing or responded the right way, because 9 times out of 10 you won’t hear anything back from them. Sometimes you have to learn to…I was telling Taylor & Jennavev–you have to learn to care deeply about everyone, yet let go the second you post. Because…If you sat there & worried about every single person that you wrote about…& I do–but I try not to let it bother me, because it could really get to you. & especially sometimes you’re dealing with people that are talking about killing themselves or injuring themselves or they’ve been molested or they’ve done this…God knows I don’t know everything–I never know if I say the right things. Also sometimes you go through down periods where you won’t have anyone talking to you for a while, & I remember at first I used to think oh no one’s talking to me but it’s okay, you just have to do what you want to do & take it one step at a time. If people write to me, I’ll respond, if people don’t write to me, it’s okay, I’m still doing what I do. I don’t do it just because I want to hear people talk to me & I want them to respond to me. It is tough, & it is hard & there are several times when I’m like oh my God am I doing the right thing? You know, am I responding the right way?…It has it’s ups & downs so it’s difficult…I can see why people don’t do it.